dar334

The definition of Romans per Dictionary.com reads as follows:  of or relating to the ancient or modern city of Rome, or to its inhabitants and their customs and culture:  of or relating to the ancient kingdom, republic, and empire whose capital was the city of Rome.

The introduction to Romans in my Life Application Study Bible NIV reads, in part, as follows:  The apostle Paul was intelligent, articulate, and committed to his calling. Like a skilled lawyer, he presented the case for the gospel clearly and forthrightly in his letter to the believers of Rome.

The introduction goes on in more detail about the book.  Apparently there were some Jews that had come to faith during Pentecost (a Christian holiday that commemorates the Holy Spirits descent on the apostles and other followers of Jesus Christ) and they took this new found faith with them back to Rome where they started a church that contained mostly Jews and some Gentiles.  Paul was going to visit there and sent a letter before hand to introduce himself to them.

What neither the internet or the introduction fails to tell you is you will more than likely experience a moderate to severe headache early on in the book.  There should be a caution about the stress it can cause on your forehead as you scowl at the words trying to decipher what Paul is trying to convey, then reread them a second or even third time before giving up and reading the study note, twice.  Here are some examples:

Romans 2:14  (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law.)

Romans 2:25-27  Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised.  So then, if those who are not circumcised keep the law’s requirement, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised?  The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.  

The letter to the Romans goes on for 16 chapters like the above examples, but I can’t end my pondering with out my all time favorite headache producing scripture:

Romans 7:15-20  I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Mr. Hobson read that last scripture in church a couple weeks ago, and we were talking about it later.  Our grandson Josh, who will soon be 13, said “That’s a lot of do do.”  Hopefully God got a chuckle out of it too.

One of our Disciple studies was mainly on the letters of Paul.  I trudged through my reading, headache after headache, until the class was done.  I wasn’t a fan of Paul then.  Recently my dislike of Paul has turned to admiration.  Perhaps it’s because, after reading bits and pieces of his writings over the last 5 years and completely an entire study, I’m finally able to understand the message he is trying to get across.  Granted it could have been done in fewer words, Jesus is Lord, but his desire to argue his case, and the fact that he was in prison a lot of the time, he had plenty of time to write.

God wanted Israel, (the country not the man that used to be called Jacob, which could lead me into another blog about God changing peoples names and then calling them by both throughout the whole Bible also causing confusion and delay) to be the special people.  They were the “chosen”.  But as the sin that lives in us all caused problems, they wouldn’t obey the laws so God decided to send his son who would be the ultimate sacrifice for all our sins.  Everybody.  Jews and Gentiles alike.  Paul worked very hard to get that message to us all.  So I hope you take the time to read the letter Paul wrote to the Romans.  And then read it again, and again.  Ponder on it.  If only we followed his guidelines today, this wicked old earth would be heaven.

Always pondering,

dar

We are back at the cancer center in Owosso, hoping to take care of the five new (minimal) spots of cancer in Jim’s torso.  No organs seem to be affected, praise God.  It was just a year ago we spent the majority of our summer here; the girls that work here had to do a double take to recognize him.  Jan and Michelle are still here but I don’t see Kim.  I hope Kim is happily retired, cruising around the world with the love of her life, although I don’t really care to hear about it.  (I can visualize Sandy saying “That was suppose to us.”)  There is a new girl here for us to get used to.

Being here makes it all too real, today it made everything all too real.  We started our day with breakfast at Showboat where we had to explain to two different people what we were up to.  In both cases we got ‘the look’.  We’ve all given ‘the look’ at various times in our lives, and some of us have a better understanding than others of how ‘the look’ affects you when you are on the receiving end.  I don’t mean to offend anyone, we find great comfort in the kindness it emits.  But sometimes it will knock you even farther down then you already are.  I’ve found myself  just sending an emoji of two hands holding each other, or a simple single red rose to someone instead of sending words that require conversation.  Conversation gets harder the more you have to do it.  Just a simple little emoji lets the receiver know someone cares.  I sent Abby a lot of emoji, sometimes she responded with conversation, sometimes she just replied with an emoji of her own.  I find comfort in knowing she knew I cared.

We arrived at the cancer center a little early so we made ourselves as comfortable as possible in the waiting area while Jim’s paperwork was processed.  I decided to make a trip back out to my car for hand lotion; I knew I would want some before the afternoon was over.  Heading to my car, I passed behind a handicap accessible van parked close to the building.  On the back window were 3 little orange decals.  A ribbon, a wheelchair, a little girl.  Orange.  Chesaning Indian orange.  Only in this case it wasn’t an Indian’s van.  (Note to Tonya:  Did you think of Indian’s Café just then?)  I took a deep enough breath to fill my lungs with air so my heart couldn’t drop to the concrete below my feet and I choked back a couple tears.  Reality.  My reality.

I’m finding it difficult to scroll through Facebook these days.  Seems everyone is sharing posts about their hatred of cancer.  We all hate it.  It has touched all of our lives one way or another.  I’m grateful for those who take time to send up prayers, we are definitely being comforted by them. My avoiding it is selfish I guess, but for the very few minutes each day that I forget about it, it comes rushing back as soon as I open Facebook.  If it isn’t a cancer share, it’s an advertisement for a cute little tank top that tells the reader you can’t see MS, but the person wearing the tank top is suffering.  Or someone wants me to buy a MS iPhone case.  (I did fall for the breast cancer awareness shoes though)

I guess I want everyone to know that sometimes I may not reply to your latest post, only because I didn’t see it, not that I don’t care.  And to be brutally honest …. never mind.  And sometimes I may not answer the ringing phone, because I just don’t want to talk.  And sometimes I’m going to ignore the notification sounds that come when I receive messages, texts, or emails, because I just can’t talk about it at that time.  And sometimes I may not share every result, doctor visit, or planned treatment, because it’s just too difficult.  Sometimes I feel all alone, sometimes I just want to be all alone.  Some of you out there will understand, some more than others.

Always pondering,

dar

What are some of your life goals that you’ve yet to see become a reality?

This question was posed to me on day one of week one in the current study I’m doing:  ‘Jonah’ by Priscilla Shirer.  The next question is ‘How has life tampered with those goals?’  Stopped dead in my tracks.  As my mind whirled on where to even begin to answer these questions, I realized that I didn’t have any goals yet to become reality.  I have several wants and wishes, but I can’t really call them goals.

Growing up in a household, pretty much as an only child because of the age difference between me and my siblings, I was introduced to an “old fashioned” life.  My Dad worked, my Mom stayed home.  She was the one who cooked, baked, cleaned.  She shopped only on Friday morning and if you needed something during the week you waited until the Friday shopping trip.  We made one weekly trip to Grandma’s house, her Mother, and it was always a late afternoon after I got home from school.  Weekends were spent camping and fishing in the summer, and driving around on Sundays listening to Dad tell about the “old times”, then stopping in to see Grandpa and Grandma, my Dad’s parents.  (Grandma always had a bowl of those pink lozenges that taste like Pepto Bismol.  And fish.  And old people that needed to be behind gates.  And if it was winter, there were fruit jars full of blooming red geraniums in the laundry room window sills).

Now I’m off topic.  Goals.  Considering the childhood I had, and the Dad I had,  my goals were to graduate from high school, get married and have children.  It was a step up from what my Mom did, her education ended at the 8th grade because she didn’t have a way to get to St. Charles where the nearest High School was.  It was completely out of the question to consider furthering my education and having a career.  I didn’t argue that fact, Dad said that’s what I was going to do, and that’s what I did.  My goals have been completed.

Now my wants and wishes on the other hand, well that’s a completely different story.  I want to retire and grow old with my husband.  I want to attend my grandchildren’s weddings and be introduced with my husband as their grandparents and then dance with him.  I have no desire to travel, I like my home.  I like my yard.  It probably would get old after awhile but I’d like the chance to find that out for myself.

I want a Camaro.  A dark red one with a 4-speed on the floor.  It would be my summer car.  That won’t happen.  If I had one I’d have to drive it like I had a Camaro and I don’t think that would have a good ending.  I want my winter car to be a Jeep.  A Wrangler.  A bright red one.  4-speed on the floor.   I know they are cold, but I’m always too warm anyways.  But that won’t happen either, it’s not a Grandma vehicle.

So that’s my pondering today.  I have met my goals.  My wants and wishes on the other hand ………………………………..

Always pondering,

dar

I have today off because Jim has an appointment to get his port put in early this afternoon.  I haven’t posted publicly yet that more cancer was found so I guess this is your update.  Although I don’t want to make light of it, this isn’t what brought me to this blog. I will go into more detail later.

Of course since I don’t have to rush out the door to work, I have a cup of coffee and my Bible and I’m sitting in my Quiet Room.  I can look up and see the much needed gentle rain falling.  I try to start my morning walk with prayer for staying focused on the words and allowing them to sink in and be understood.  I want it to be more than light reading, I want to be educated.  This morning’s daily reading took me to the Psalms, which in the past have caused by eyes to glaze over.  Unlike the story of David and Bathsheba that kept my attention from start to finish, which just confirmed man’s desire to get enjoyment out of sin.  My study Bible has a short theme at the beginning of several chapters throughout the book to let you know what the chapter covers, then it tells you the author.  The author was instructed by God to write these words down, in my opinion.  The author for Psalm 44:  The sons of Korah (temple assistants).  So who is Korah?  I decided to take the time to find out since time is all I have right now.  I found the page in my Bible where the profile for Korah is located and began reading it before reading the Psalm.  It will help me grasp the message in the Psalm (I hope).  In the very last sentence of the profile, I find the message God intended for me this morning.  ‘God may want to work through you in the position you are now in.’   I read it again.  And again. 

Always pondering,

dar

Although I can’t remember it, I’ve been told by countless people countless times that all I did was talk when I was little.  In my defense, I didn’t have siblings that could be playmates to chatter to.  I had my two parents, and two siblings that double as parents, even to this day.  My parents didn’t believe in giving us lots of stuff, so my toys were, in my opinion, minimal.  And yes Ron, all you got to play with was a broken tractor, but you weren’t alone in that sandbox.   And I know those of you who know me are thinking “She still talks all the time.”  But again, in my defense, when I’m quiet it’s assumed I’m mad about something.  Sometimes that is the case, and sometimes I just don’t have the energy to open my mouth.

I’m assuming that since my mouth ran all the time, and I followed around my family that were all quite a bit older than me, I must have asked a lot of questions.  I do remember a few instances where I was told, “It’s none of your business.”  Even as an adult, when I’ve asked questions, I’ve heard, “That’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know” or “If I told you then I’d have to kill you.”  (The last two being at work, where sarcasm runs rampant)

Perhaps this is why questions drive me so crazy, and whoever come up with “There’s no such thing as a stupid question” should follow me around some day.  I’ve heard some blatantly ridiculous questions, to which have rendered me unable to even come with a way to respond.  Sometimes I think, ‘if I don’t answer will they not know?’  Here’s an example:  You walk into a room eating an apple and someone asks “Are you eating an apple?”  Enough about that, I’m probably in plenty trouble now.

In addition to the stupid questions, I’ve heard just as many irrelevant questions. Irrelevant to the topic at hand.  Those also render me unable to respond, usually causing me to just mumble and drool a little.  I’m often in the company of an individual that does this to me quite often, and I’ve decided it’s a well planned strategy to throw me off track from passing on information they really don’t want to know.   When asked these types of questions, I’m literally so befuddled with coming up with a response that I totally forget what I was saying.   This just happened and I needed to ‘talk’ about it.

Always pondering,

dar

This morning’s reading took me to Psalm 34.  As is common, I had to read each verse a couple times to get it to register.  My mind was also on boiling eggs, whether or not the grass was dry enough to push the mower around for exercise, doing dishes while I was browning a roast for dinner, what I’d wear for tomorrow’s work appointment with our lawyer …… it never ends.  

The verses that stuck were 19-20.  The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.  Now again, I really did complete all 4 years of  the Disciple study, as I’ve spent several hours reading this and that in my Bible.  I know I had to have heard who this prophesy was about at least once.  More than likely I was realizing there were extra leads in the center of my mechanical pencil, or the scripture stenciled on the wall was just slightly tilted so the bottom line would make the bubble in a level set just to the left of the center circle.  (Now I’m thinking I need to take a level in there to see if I’m right!). Anyways …… as I read this scripture this morning I received my AH-HAH moment.  Jesus.  The prophesy was on Jesus.  He had troubles.  He was delivered from them all.  Per my study note, it was Roman custom during crucification to break the legs of the victim to speed death, not one of Jesus’ bones were broken.  

So now I’m off to read Acts 24.  Paul is having a lot of trouble spreading the word about Jesus.  Saul.  AKA Paul.  I didn’t like him at first, or at second for that matter.  But this man is sure teaching me a lot now.  

Always Pondering …….

dar

Jim is working today and the weather isn’t the kind I’d want to be outside in.  It’s late morning, in fact in 10 minutes it will be early afternoon, and I’m still in my jammies, sitting in my Quiet Room, looking outside.  Pondering.  My current cup of coffee is lukewarm, but I’m still sipping away at it, the only noise I hear is the humming of the air conditioner and the dehumidifier.  I turned on a small oscillating (thank you spell check) fan and the occasional breeze from it is refreshing.  There’s a load of laundry waiting in the washing machine, but if I put it in the dryer it will need to be folded ….. that isn’t scheduled in my next hour so there it sets.

I receive daily emails from Bible Gateway.  They include suggested scripture reading from the Old and New Testament.  Neither take very long at all to read, unless you’re like me and you have to read the study note, then go back up and read the scripture again, then research something that popped out to you because it peaked your curiosity.  All the while you’re doing this, that AADD you suffer from sees a robin which in turn  ….. apparently causes you to hit something on your laptop to cause your typing to be highlighted!   TRAIN OF THOUGHT GONE!  Ah – hah, it’s fixed, now where was I?

This mornings scripture reading from the emails for the last two days didn’t trigger any pondering, nor did the suggested scripture writing for today.  We are finished with Finding I Am by Lysa TerKeurst and Jonah by Priscilla Shirer hasn’t began yet.  So I reached over and picked up (I just figured out what’s causing the highlighting and I’m feeling quite proud at the moment) Fervent by Priscilla Shirer.  I picked it up at Family Christian Book Store because of a 50% off any item offer I didn’t want to lose.  I had heard good things about it so it’s now in my growing Christian library.  It was in this book I found my blogging idea.  For those unfamiliar Ms. Shirer’s writings, she is a firm believer in prayer and the fact it is Satan causing all the problems.

She writes:  ‘So we should not be surprised when Satan thwarts our unity as believers, in all kinds of different pairings and places where we interact with fellow Christians.

He’ll do it in your local church.  He’ll stir up a faction who thinks the pastor is woefully deficient in his preaching or his time management or his leadership style or his bedside manner.  He’ll create a stir over how loud they play the music in worship or how often someone’s wife or daughter is allowed to sing solos.  He’ll divide old and young, traditionalists versus progressives, private school kids from the public schoolers.  Instead of people being able to freely exercise and emphasize their various spiritual gifts for the good of the body, he’ll cause folks to see one person’s ministry as being a direct competitor of another’s.  Division, disharmony, friendly fire.  They’re breaks in the line of our peace.’

Okay dear friends, this is where the God moment comes in.  Believe it or not.  Before I even began typing what Ms. Shirer wrote, even though I had read it, early on in typing this post, I went in and got another cup of lukewarm coffee.  As all the thoughts were racing around my head, I decided I wanted a closing line.  Something I end my blogging with, my salutation.  I thought about Frasier’s  “I’m Listening”  Paul Harvey’s “……the Rest of the Story”, the and Pastor’s “Shalom”.  And off goes the pondering …….. What does ‘Shalom’ mean?  After finishing copying what Ms. Shirer had written, the moment I typed that highlighted word up there, the word peace, my AH-HAH moment happened.  Shalom means PEACE!  Then off to my old friend google where I found the definition:  Shalom:  used as salutation by Jews at meeting or parting, meaning “peace”.

Sadly, churches have factions.  Sadly, in my opinion, Ms. Shirer could have been writing about most of us.  Our Pastor ends his letter in our monthly newsletter with the salutation ‘Peace’, we need to make that happen.  Ms. Shirer would want us not to pray that they lower the volume of the music, or Pastor to take less time with his message, but to be fervent in prayer to remove Satan from our local church and it’s members.  It will start here, in my Quiet Room.

Still pondering ……

dar

Every Spring, two things happen here on Sharon Road.  First of all, I’m fighting a case of the winter blues.  Secondly, I can’t wait to get outside and get my hands in the dirt.

Pastor’s message this morning revolved around chapter 13 in the gospel of Matthew.  The parable of the four soils.  Now those that have been walking with me during my Christian journey are well aware of the fact I don’t easily understand parables.  I take them at face value, which made the New Testament quite challenging at times.  It wasn’t until quite recently that I picture Jesus when I read ‘good shepherd’, and when I saw the word ‘sheep’, well ……. I think you get the picture.  I now understand that in God’s eyes I wasn’t ready to understand them then.  He’s kindly upgrading my brain a little at a time, which is probably a good thing, or there definately would be a crash.

Pastor read to us the four types of soil, then read to us what the four types represented.  It was during this part of the service that I had an “AH HAH!” moment.  The kind that snaps my eyes wide open and makes me what to jump up and yell “I GET IT!”    We’ve all had those moments, whether we want to admit it or not.  My moment came when Pastor took us back to Genesis 2:7.  ‘Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.’  He took the dust of the ground.  The dirt.  The soil.  He formed man.  I’ve read it 100 times.  It wasn’t until this morning I connected the parable of the soil and the dust from which man was formed.   AH HAH!  WE ARE DIRT!  Thank you Pastor Tim!

We are soil.  Pastor asked us to think about what kind of soil we are.  Am I being fruitful by growing and planting more seeds?  Through my posts and conversations with people around me, I hope I’m planting seeds.  I like to plant seeds.  I like watching the seeds I plant grow.

Last fall I gathered some seeds.  I kept them in a safe place until this spring.  I bought seed starter planting soil and I planted those tiny little seeds.  I watered them.  I gave them light.  They sprouted and grew.  I now have several pots of beautiful petunias.  All because I gathered and then planted seeds.  And this fall I will harvest again.

In closing, if just one of my faith seeds lands in good soil, I will have done my job.  It is up to God to water it and make it grow.  I may never see the fruit of my labor, but at least I planted.  And now, because of sin, I have to go toil in the soil.

23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

A couple years ago, the Christian Coordinator at our church offered us a booklet of short verses of scripture to write out daily during the season of Lent, the season of prayer and fasting before Easter.  I’ve always enjoyed writing, boring stiff those that were expected to read the words, usually saying way to much.  The benefits for me of writing include the opportunity to reword and erase, or in today’s world of modern technology, backspace and delete.  This can be beneficial because we’ve all wished we could un-say or even un-hear words that have hurt others or hurt us to the very core.  With that being said, I am now heading way off topic to I will stop right there for now.

As I’ve said in previous postings, scripture study is new to me and I just can’t seem to get enough.  It has drastically changed my life, for the better.  I noticed a few people have ‘like’ ed some of my posts so I’m hoping to help with their journey here, no matter where they are knowledge.  My thought is to watch for things that ignite my pondering fire and share them here.  The above scripture was a suggested writing verse I found online.  Let’s ponder:

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”                                                                                 During my freshman year of Disciple, what hung me up was if God took a rib from man and created woman, then did man have one less rib then woman?  I researched it and found out he does not have one less, they have the same, twenty-four, twelve on each side.  Now that I’ve completed all four years of Disciple, I now see it as God creating a perfect pair, one (hopefully) accenting the other.  A pair to share life, through thick and thin, until one is taken and one left behind.  I don’t use that reference in regards to the scripture in Matthew 24, I use it because I’ve seen it happen over and over here on earth.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.                                                                                                                         This one can be a hard pill to swallow.  For the parent.  Especially the Mom.  No other person will ever, EVER, love her child like she does.  At least that’s how it is in my world.   But I used the word “my”, and it should have been “His”.  I have accepted that.  It’s what He wants.

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.                                               Ok, as a freshman, this totally freaked me out.  I don’t want to discuss it.  Not now. Now that I’ve graduated, I understand they felt no shame because sin had not entered the picture.  At this point, it was perfect.  He was pleased.  That slimy snake had not made his move yet.  But watch out – Satan is at ever turn.

I wish I had a clever sign off slogan, but I don’t, yet.

The topic of not being able to hear God came up yesterday, and after some pondering I came up with this:

We are born to a set of parents that hopefully will love us and raise us to adulthood, then encourage us to leave the nest.  Through our growing years, our parents guide us and encourage us and hopefully give us a sound set of morals to live by.   Eventually our parents pass away and we are left to manage without them.  At least that was how it was for me.  You wonder how you will go on without them, often times wishing you could ask them about the latest thing your mind is hung up on, or just to find comfort in having them hear your latest sad news or their see their joy in your latest blessing.  You long for their words of encouragement or guidance and smile when you remember the time when you didn’t want  it.

If you were blessed by the kind of parents I was blessed with, if you think about it for just a minute, you will hear what they have to say.  You will know what they would tell you and you would know the joy they share with you.  You just know it, because you know them.

My Christian journey started about 10 years ago, and my taking it rather seriously started about 5 years ago.  Those first 4 or 5 years I was just checking the box on my to do list.  I seriously began Bible study with a special group of people at the church I belong to and have come to realize that the more I study, the more I read His word, the more I know Him and what He wants of me.  Just like the longer I lived with my parents, the more I learned what they wanted and expected of me.

I’m happy to say that I have reached a point in my studies where whatever hurdle, fire, sorrow, happiness, question or concern that is put in front of me, if I pray about it and think about it and quietly listen, I know what He would say.  I know because I have read and studied and listened and researched enough to better know Him.  I may not always like what I hear, but I can better accept what I hear now, because I’m still His child and I know His will is what will be done.  The sooner we can accept that, the better off we will be.

I’m not done in my journey, I have a long road to travel,  I’m unfinished.  I’m a work in progress.   I will continue to study, listen, research, and pray.  I will continue to doubt, wonder, and question.  I will continue to let Him down …… but I’m sure He will forgive and stay with me no matter what.  I know that because I know Him.

So when you pray and you think He doesn’t answer you, perhaps it’s because you’re not listening, or you need to get to know Him better so you will hear what He would say.