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In my reading tonight in 2 Samuel 22, and then pondering the “Optional Application” in the study book, I went back to a time when I really thought I could not go on any longer. The question posed to us in the study book is this, “What truths in David’s song in 2 Samuel 22 do you personally want most to praise God for and to thank Him for?”

Our leader in this class is someone I grew up with in my neighborhood and it was his family that introduced me to church. I was very young and all I can really remember of it is getting dressed up to go with them. When my husband approached me with his desire to start attending a church about 10 years ago, the church they introduced me to was the only option, in my opinion. Luckily it’s the same church my husband occasionally attended as a child too so off we went.

I have studied with this leader for 5 years now and I know he will pass right over that question because it’s personal. He has seen me melt down more than once and I think he now avoids anything that would make somebody cry. Even though I may not have to verbally answer the question in class, I had to ponder it. It took me back to a time when I was home alone and in need of a shower.

Our daughter’s MS diagnosis was in our past and we had made it through that ordeal and her treatments were successfully keeping her “stable”. We made it through the surprise divorce our son had gone through that literally broke his heart and ours, and he was happily in another relationship. Things were moving along as steadily as possible. With the drug our daughter is on, there is a risk of a pretty nasty virus that could potentially end her life, they monitor her blood watching for the nasty virus to rear it’s ugly head. It’s a virus we all probably carry around, but our immune system fights it successfully because it’s weak. The drug she is on lowers her immune system so it would have trouble fighting the virus.

My husband and I had taken a much needed trip around our state, and our daughter had made her monthly trip to get her drug. She had gotten her regular blood work done and would see the Dr. before her infusion. When the text came from her that she was now testing positive for the dreaded virus, I felt like someone had reached down my throat and ripped my heart out. I literally could not breath. The pounding in my chest hurt my ears. I had no idea what to do, what to think, all I felt like doing was vomiting …. and bawling my eyes out. We got home from our trip, my husband had gone back to work, and I hit the shower after a long hot day. As I was standing in there, hot water running down my back, my mind started wandering places it should not have gone. I lost it. Completely and utterly ….. lost. it. I threw my hands up in the air and screamed “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! I NEED HELP! I NEED YOU LORD!”

Now the verse from chapter 22 that sent me on this ponder is this: “But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I cried to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears.”

After that, though life is still causing distress, my daughter still has MS and tests positive for the JC Virus, my husband has lung cancer, I am able to deal surprising well with it all because I know He will carry me when I can’t take another step. Yes, I still cry. Sometimes I feel like throwing up. Sometimes I was to kick something. But a deep breath and a little prayer takes me right where I need to go …. to the comfort of God’s arms.

I honestly believe 10 years ago God planted a seed in my husband. He knew that we would need Him very soon and He sent us on this journey, our Christian journey. And as a dear friend said to me when the cancer was found, “This is what God has been preparing you for.”

Thank you God!